1. NEVER call a parent in the heat of the moment! 

You will always be at a “loose” situation if you do that. You need to script the phone call to a parent, but make it at a time when you are balanced and can get your point across. Being reactive will only make the situation worse, or give an opportunity to the parent to hurt you. Instead, wait until you feel calmer and you can explain the situation in a calm voice. The first reaction is to call the parents, lash out and REALLY tell them what is going on in class. Don’t! This is a mistake!

If you are calling with a discipline issue, it is not enough to simply say “the student is misbehaving” or “the student is talking in class”. You need to be more specific. What exactly happened- perhaps the students interrupts when you deliver instruction, or maybe he said an offensive word to a fellow student. Remember, the more specific and the calmer you are are, the more the parents will accept the information. Not giving enough information and being vague gives the opposite party opportunity to argue back and get defensive. You do not want to get in this situation. Even worse, if the parent asks what exactly heir child is doing, you cannot stumble and loose track of the facts. Sometimes this is difficult to remember exact details when you are in the middle of teaching. Have a paper right next to you and very quickly write down what exactly happened.

John is doing very well in orchestra and he is very talented. Unfortunately, I am seeing that he is starting to turn around and talk to the boys around him.It is happening every single class.  Can we together work on stopping this behavior so that he can continue doing great in my class?


We just finished long testing period and Johny did very well. However, during lunch today we had a conflict with another child. He did… Please help me develop his ability to talk to other kids by…


I am writing because I need to communicate about Johny’s behavior in class. Prior to this email, I have had a conversation with him and the school principal. Unfortunately, the behavior is escalating. He has been doing…for too many times. At this point he consequences are that…I believe that Johny can be better. Please help me change the negative pattern.

Do you notice the “positive” way this messages are delivered? However frustrating the situation for the teacher,  positive call approach to parents will get them on your side. Do you notice that the parent is being asked either to help in the situation or for advice in handling their child? This is very important. It shifts the focus from blaming the parent to engaging their help. In doing it this way, you are “taking away” parent option to come back negative at you.

Also, notice that the examples above are specific about what happened  In no way you are apologizing nor you are questioning the validity of your communication. But you are allowing the parent the respect while communicating what happened. If you communicate in this way, almost always you will get a positive response and parent support behind you.