The dangerous business of making a call home to a parent…or receiving one from your teacher…
Have you just received uncomfortable phone call home? For parents and students both this can be a difficult situation, yet you can learn to deal with it in the best way! Read on!
If you are a student you may go to this post directly!
Teachers wanting to make a POSITIVE INTRODUCTION phone call – you may go directly to THIS POST
Teachers wanting to script a phone call to a parent, go to THIS POST
Parents, READ ON
I feel that often parents of high performing students have the hardest time with these phone calls. When we want our child to succeed, it is difficult handling negative aspects of their schoolwork or behavior.
When receiving a phone call home please consider:
- When a teacher calls home, in most cases they don’t want to harm your child or put you in a defensive position. Even if that is how it may seem at the moment of the conversation. They are simply asking for help regarding something that has happened at school. Simply knowing this can help a parent handle a phone call home better.
- Most teachers call home after a child has misbehaved more than once. Experienced teachers will talk to the child first and then turn to the parent. If your child is telling you that the “event” happened just once or never happened, you may want to weigh in both the information you received from your child and teacher.
- If you get a phone call from your school we are not “going after” your child. Teachers usually spend a good deal of time thinking when and how to approach a parent. Usually a call home is made to warn a parent that something is happening, or that the teacher needs parental support to handle an aspect of the child’s education.
- Please know that teachers too feel uncomfortable when making calls home. They don’t know what the parent reaction will be. Often the unknown creates tension. It will be helpful for both sides to keep this in mind and simply listen first. In the ten years I have taught I have not met a teacher who does not want to have involved and supportive parents. Tension could happen only after there is uncomfortable feelings in the way things are communicated or perceived. Usually one side feels attacked and this is where the problem forms. Most often it has nothing to do with the child. Therefore, it is the communication between parent and teacher that needs to be focused on.
It will help if you…
- The best scenario for a child is when both teacher and parent can work together to help the child best. Think win/win. Try to see both sides of the story.
- Realize that talking about ONE aspect of your child’s behavior is not a reflection on yourself. Rather, it is a chance to see what might be happening when you are not present and working on developing that aspect of your child’s personality.
- It is respect to the teacher that will make them work with more enthusiasm and reach your child better. Even in a problematic situation! Parents often don’t think about all the challenges teachers face in a classroom. A little appreciation can go a long way in helping your teacher help your child better. Even if you think that your teacher has not acted the way you expected, see if you can help that teacher by communicating back with respect and guiding them into helping your child.
- Know that in a conflict between parents and teachers the real looser is the child that gets in between. There are some stations where parents need to speak up. In most cases however, the stations can be resolved by communicating and following the steps in this post.
Be proactive by…
Initiate contact with the teacher at the very beginning of the school year. This could be a simple “hello”, an email introducing yourself, or asking if you could help with their classroom. This way you would be forming a relationship with that teacher away from your child. This way, when a problem arises both sides will feel more comfortable dealing with the situation and asking for help.
Summary
So when receiving a phone call…
- Listen
- Never react in the heat of the moment. It is always best to hear what the other party has to say and then ask for some time to discuss the situation at home at think things over.
- Defuse the situation/don’t start a confrontation.
- The situation always seems more intense in the time of the phone call home. Give yourself some time.
- Give yourself the time to think, calm down, and weigh in the options.
It is funny. At the beginning of my teaching career I was young and communication with parents felt intimidating. I had to make calls home on a few occasions discussing behavior issues. The phone calls were handled with the parent immediate response to deal with the situation at home. I was lucky. I started teaching by communicating with parents who understood and did not question the validity of my work. After I had been teaching for a few years the situation changed a bit. The more home phone calls I needed to make, the more difficult it seemed to get. I was having to work with very different parents who were thinking very differently about raising their child. I also developed a skill for talking to different types of people. I think this experience is important to now for parents as all teachers go through similar situation. Knowing this as a parent can help a lot when receiving a negative phone call home.
I am posting this blog post wishing that parents appreciate their teachers for the positive aspects of their work, but also to allow them to guide their child into changing that child’s behavior for the better.I hope the post has been helpful to parents as will as teacher who may be in both sides.
This is an excellent topic. A number of years back, my husband and I had one teacher tell us during a conference that our child was talking with friends nonstop in class in spite of the fact that the teacher had repeatedly asked them to stop. There was a boredom issue going on with the kids involved, but that is another subject entirely. The fact of the matter is, our child and friends were disrupting the learning process. We did not find out about it for quite a while unfortunately, so we didn't even know to address it. I believe your point going back to teachers finding it uncomfortable to call is true. My husband asked why we weren't notified sooner so we could have nipped it in the bud much sooner. The teacher told us that because our child was doing so well in the class, every time she picked up the phone to call she put it down, because the excessive talking wasn't affecting the grade. My husband said, "is it affecting anyone else's ability to learn?" When the teacher said yes, my husband told her he wished she had called sooner. It's unfortunate it went on so long! Visiting from A Dish of Daily Life and the LOBS linkup! Thanks for sharing this!
Michelle, thank you for your comment. You raise a very important point. As they are many different parents and different ways of responding, yes teachers could be hesitant sometimes to call home. I am now dealing with discipline situation very early. However, when I was starting my career, I was having the same thoughts, "maybe if I just deal with it in the classroom things will get better", "I wonder how the parents would react". etc. As raising our children is so personal, these interactions are often the hardest.
I'm so glad you posted this because it's true. Kids are not always what they seem and for working parents you would think that they would be more likely to understand this since they tend to spend a lot of time away from their children. I stay home with my son and it's amazing how he changes daily. Lots of times he is doing new things my working husband might not know he can or is doing which makes sense. Because of this standpoint I sympathize even the more with teachers who have to deal with close minded parents.
Brittnei, thank you for adding to the discussion. It is so interesting to hear things from the perspective of a parent who is also their child's "home teacher". You are very right sometimes kids act different in different situations. Some parents may be seeing thing at home very different from what happens at school.
Great post! As a former teacher, I appreciate it even more…I pinned this to my "parenting" Pinterest board.
Thank you, Bonnie!
Its such a difficult situation all round to be in. I know i have never really thought about it from the teachers perspective before (on the one call i had)
thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments
Yes these situations are very difficult indeed. Seeing things from the other party's perspective helps.
Great post, even after teaching for 12 years I still feel nervous when I have to phone home. I'm lucky as almost every parent has been supportive but the butterflies still kick in as I'm dialing the number.
Great post and so interesting to see it from the other point of view. I think it also depends on the upbringing of the parents themselves. If Lucas's teacher ever had to call me re: behaviour or an incident, my immediate reaction would be "how can we get this sorted?" I am under no illusion that my child is an angel. Really enjoyed reading this #magicmoments
Great points! When a teacher calls me, it's rarely the first time that my son did whatever she's complaining of. I have never blamed the teacher because I know my son, and his attitude is fairly consistent everywhere. Every phone call I've gotten, my response is always "is there anything that I can do at home to support what you're doing in class?" Thank you for letting parents know.
Thanks for sharing and linking up with Countdown in Style! Don't forget to come back on Friday to see if you were featured!
~~April~~
100lbCountdown.com
Thank you all for your comments. Yes, even teaching for a long time gives us chills when calling a parent. At the same time it is important for parents to understand the teacher's perspective in order to make the communication better. Thank you for commenting and adding to the discussion.
Great Post! I use to call home even when it was not about something a child did. I would call the parent to let them know that their child did well on a test or was very helpful to another student. That way when I did call about something that was a problem they were already use to me and were not always expecting the worse. For the not so nice calls home I would always start off with something positive before I dove into the issue at hand. I agree that teachers should call immediately when their is a problem. It cuts down on a lot of frustration and tension. #UBP2014
Hi Gabriella,
Your comment summarizes everything so beautifully! Thank you!
Yes, I have also experienced that calling parent on a positive note first really breaks the ice and is helpful when issues may come up in the future. Some teachers have huge classes and they are afraid about time when making phone calls to parents, but even starting with a few parents will help. Making a positive first phone call is also something for parents to know and make a step toward.
Im a student and that is about to happen to me. Tell me what I should say when I get home. Please. Desperate.
OK, first check this other post that is written for students. There will be tips at the bottom. If it is not too late, contact me with what exactly happened and I will try to help you (look at contact page).
//www.musicteachingandparenting.com/2015/03/how-to-stop-teacher-from-calling-home.html
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